


Spell Block Tango

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cell Block Tango, M/M, Not Beta Read, Riddle? Riddle? This bitch dead, Song Lyrics, Song Parody, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 03:57:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15743790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!And now the 6 inter-dimensional murderers of Azkaban in their rendition of the spell block tango"





	Spell Block Tango

**Author's Note:**

> [Instrumental](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToAeHdxYrhM)

Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!

Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!  
  
_And now the 6 interdimensional murderers of Azkaban in their rendition of the spell block tango_  
  
Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!

Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!  
Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!  
  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!  
  
Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!

Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!  
  
You know how people have these little habits that get you down like Voldemort.  
Voldemort liked torturing my friends  
No, not torture, Crucio  
So I come back to the manor, one day  
And I am really irritated, and I'm looking for a bit of sympathy  
And there's Voldemort sittin' on his throne, sippin’ his Firewhisky and torturing  
No, not torture, Crucio  
So, I said to him  
I said, "You Crucio my friends one more time... "  
And he did  
So I took my wand from its holster  
And I casted two warning spells,  
Right through his head  
  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!  
  
Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!

Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!

I met Tom Marvolo Riddle at Hogwarts about two years ago  
And he told me he was misunderstood  
And we hit it off right away  
We lived together in the dorms  
We’d go to class, we’d go back  
I'd duel with him, We'd have dinner  
And then I found out  
"Misunderstood," he told me  
Misunderstood, my ass  
Not only was he a budding dark lord  
Oh, no, he already had six followers  
Called themselves the Knights of Walpurgis, you know  
So that night, when he came back to the dorms,  
I’d duel with him as usual  
You know, some guys just can't hold their killing curse!

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He took a flower in its prime  
And then he used it  
And he abused it  
It was a murder  
But not a crime!

  
Now, I'm standing over my cauldron  
Brewing up some potions for work,  
Minding my own business,  
And in storms my husband Voldemort in a jealous rage  
"You been screwin' Tom Riddle," he says  
He was crazy  
And he kept on screamin'  
"You been screwin’ Tom Riddle."  
And then he ran into Gryffindor’s sword  
He ran into Gryffindor’s sword seven times!  
  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!

 

_::What am I doing here? They said that I held down my husband and chopped his head off with an axe. But it isn’t true, I am innocent.  I don't know why Dumbledore says I did it. I tried to explain it to the Aurors but they didn't understand me::_

  
Yeah, but did you do it?

  
Uh Uh, not guilty!

  
My auntie, Bellatrix and I had this little mission  
And Tommy would come along to supervise us  
Now, for our special assignment,  
We had to round up some magical creatures  
One, two, three, four, five, Dragon, Basilisk, Phoenix, Unicorn  
One right after the other.  
So, this one night before a raid, we’re in Hangleton  
Meeting with death eaters,  
Havin' a few laughs, and  
We ran out of firewhisky so I ran out to get some  
I come back, I open the door  
And there's Bella asking to see the heir of Slytherin’s giant snake- the Basilisk  
Well, I was in such a state of shock,  
I completely blacked out. I don't remember a thing  
It wasn't until later,  
When I was washing the blood off my hands  
I even knew they were dead

  
They had it coming (They had it coming)  
They had it coming (They had it coming)  
They had it coming all along (They had it coming all along)  
I didn't do it (He didn’t do it)  
But if I'd done it (But if he’d done it)  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?  
  
They had it coming (They had it coming)  
They had it coming (They had it coming)  
They had it coming all along (They took a flower in its prime)  
I didn't do it (and they used it)  
But if I'd done it,  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?  
  
I loved Marvolo more than I can possibly say  
He was a real artistic guy...  
Half-blood and full of wishes,  
But he was always trying to immortalize himself.  
He'd go out, splitting up his soul into horcruxes  
And on the way, he made Cup, Locket, Diadem, and Nagini.  
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences.  
He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead.  
  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
  
They had it coming (they had it coming)  
They had it coming (they had it coming)  
They had it coming all along  
'Cause if they used us ('cause if they used us)  
And they abused us (and they abused us)  
How could you tell us that we were wrong?

  
He had it coming (he had it coming)  
He had it coming (he had it coming)  
He only had himself to blame (he only had himself to blame)  
If you'd have been there (if you'd have been there)  
If you'd have seen it (if you'd have seen it)  
I betcha you would have done the same!

  
You Crucio my friends one more time! Misunderstood, my ass  
Seven Times! _::It’s not true::_ Slytherin’s giant snake- the Basilisk. Artistic differences

Crucio! Six! Swish! Uh Uh. Hangleton! Marvolo!


End file.
